The Big Change

OK, so this is going be very long and I hope to have some paragraphs. If you are reading this, you may need to take breaks. I am sure I am going to ramble so just beware. You were fore-warned. :)

When I went out on maternity leave with Adam, I was granted two years of unpaid child care leave. When we were blessed with Van, the same thing happened again. I usually write a letter around now (March) asking for an extension of the leave. This year with all the cuts and everything, I decided to write my letter the end of January. I also was a little scared for some reason. A friend planted the idea in my head of maybe they don't need to grant me a leave again, then what would I do? So I stressed out about that for a week or so, consulted with some people and was told, that you get two years per child. So I relaxed about it, sent my letter and waited for my response.

Wouldn't you know it, the district decided not to grant my leave this year. I have conferred with my union president and he has contacted the state as well and since no one in the district has ever asked for a leave 3 times in a row, they don't need to grant it to me. I have until Friday to let them know if I am going to resign or come back to work.

Needless to say, my husband and I have had long and lengthy discussions about this. I will give you the cons first of going back to work in my mind, and then the positives. First and foremost of course is the kids. Do I want to go back to work with a four and a half year old, a two and a half year old and a 4 month old baby? We had set in our minds that we would be raising our children, this is precious time that you don't get back and is it worth it to us and the kids for me to go back to work when we can afford for me to stay home? For me a huge issue is breastfeeding. Nursing is very very hard for me, and I have to work for every ounce of milk I produce, I am not kidding. How am I going to do this while I am working and commuting 45 minutes to work every day? I did love my job, but I was stressed and tired from it, and that will play a part when I return home and I still have 'Mommy' jobs to do- cooking, cleaning, taking care of my kids. How will I get all of this done? I am a qualified teacher. I have experience and haven't been out of the game that long. I have three teaching certificates. I could take my chances and resign and try to get hired at a later time, when we NEED me to go back and the kids are older. That is an option, but do I take that chance?

OK, now on to the perks. I have an amazing husband and I realize this more and more every day. And I am not just saying that because it's nice and cutesy, I really believe it. With his schedule, he works 12hour shifts and works for 2 days and is off another two. He will be home 2-3 days a week full time with the kids. I have a wonderful wonderful support system. My mother in law is very good to us. Just today for example my aunt came over to paint. My mother in law brought us up a casserole for lunch. How nice is that? But if Chip can't watch the kids because he is working, my mother in law will. We live at the same address. My kids aren't going anywhere. They go down the driveway. We are there pretty much every day anyway. Life won't change for them one bit. Adam goes to pre-k in the morning and will be home by noon. To be completely and totally honest, the kids won't even know I am gone. So child care and the well being of the children is not a concern at all. When Chip and I were working, we divided up the chores. Now that I am home, I do 90% of everything, and that is totally OK. But if I went back to work, he would help with the cooking, cleaning and laundry, just like we did before the kids. We have talked about it. Not to mention the extra money that comes in. Oh, well the other major major part of this is the economy right now and where we plan to be with our family in the next say maybe 10 years. No one is hiring now. School districts are letting go teachers. If I resign, am I going to get hired again? Four years ago, I would have taken that chance. Now? Not such a smart move. I would be hired at a higher pay rate than someone right out of school, and districts may not want to do that. And if I start somewhere new, I am at the bottom. If they make cuts, I am first to go. Not the case if I go right back, I am not the last on the seniority list, I put five years in that district, they can't take that back.

In the next year or so, we completely own this farm. This is a huge huge deal. My husband doesn't want to work at his job now for the rest of his life. We have a farm and would like to work it. If I can't find a job, how will we do that? The plan was for me to go back to work in 2 years anyway, when my leaves were up. So in reality I wasn't going to be staying home forever. This is just a little earlier than we expected.

A few things Chip and I talked about were little events at school. I had in my mind I was going to volunteer in Adam's class every once in a while. Bring in mouse cupcakes if they were doing M that day and be very involved. I know they have little things at school like Thanksgiving celebrations or whatnot and I would miss them. I said to Chip, 'So do you think Adam is going to traumatized because his mom isn't there for those things?' That was my actual question. And he was like no, I can go in and be there or we can take a day off or something. I can just see Chip sitting at the little table with the moms and Anna in the baby carrier. Too cute. This is a funny thing too that teachers and I think women in general will appreciate. I said to him, I want you to know, I will be getting an entire new wardrobe. At the rate this pregnancy is going, I doubt my clothes will fit and I got rid of A LOT of stuff. He was like, that's fine. 'If I were you I would go to H&M and get a bunch of business suits. A few different colors and you can switch skirts and pants. They look professional.' I was like, ummmm..... teachers don't wear business suits. I have one that I use for parent teacher conferences or something. And he said, 'I know, they just wear jeans. But you should dress up, you would look professional.' I said well you can look nice in pants and skirts but not business suits. And I said why H&M? (H&M?!?!?!) He was like, 'I got you that gift card there that one time.' "Ohhhhhh..... I said, that isn't H&M, that's the Limited, (it's right next door in the mall) but it isn't there anymore. How funny is that?

So needless to say, I am going back to work. The biggest thing is that life won't change for the kids (except for the lack of breastmilk for the baby, I will nurse for 4 months.) When I did that leave when Van was a baby, I came home and nursed him on my lunch break, pumped twice to get ONE bottle during the day, and then had to rush back here at 3:00 to feed him again. I just can't do that this time. I can't LEAVE work until 3:30 so the earliest I would get here is 4:15. But four months is four months. Another perk is that we work 180 days. I get a lot of holidays and vacations off and snow days too.

A lot of people have known about this and a lot of people have been praying for me and I appreciate that. I have a peace about it and I know I am making the right decision for our family in the long run. I have gotten a lot of positive feedback from a lot of people and I truly appreciate that. I was told that I have a great attitude, that I have worked hard to make this a career, it's not just a job. I loved my job before and will love it again. I know about this now as opposed to July, I have time to think about things. I am good at multi-tasking and can still be a great mother and teacher. And then there is the negative. Someone told me they think that's the way it should be... you have to come back in between, you don't get another two years.... thanks...... And another person made it sound like I have an ass of a husband that is making me go back to work while I don't take care of my family..... thanks.... but so not the case.

So positive thoughts please. This is a huge decision for us. I emailed my principal letting her know. She said 'she was happy to hear the good news.' so that was nice. :) But she said with all of the budget cuts, she isn't sure what building or position yet. I will keep you posted.