OK, this is going to be a really sappy somewhat strange post so just a forewarning.
I moved the bassinet out of our bedroom today. It is LONG overdue. She has been in her own bed now for almost two months I would say? The bassinet has been serving as a catch-all for my school clothes. I take them off when I get home and put them in there. The funny thing is, Chip hasn't really said anything about the bassinet because I think he knows I don't really want to move it out. Our bedroom has been a little cluttered. Since we moved the boys into one room we have all these old baby blankets I guess, some people made, some were given to me, one was Adam's old comforter. And they are all in a pile in our room. As well as a bunch of other stuff. (This part of the post is really not important information.) But anyway, the other night I felt this draft and we realized it was this space of air between the air conditioner and the window so he took it out of the window. He was like, 'If we didn't have so much stuff in this room, it would be a little easier.' And that was the extent of the reference to the bassinet but like I said, the blankets are there, I have birthday present stuff on my floor, there's is a lot, not JUST the bassinet.
So today, I got up the nerve and took it down and out of the room. (As well and put all the other stuff away too.) I said as I brought it downstairs to him to take out, 'I think I am emotionally detached from this now, you can take it out.' He said, 'I don't think you are until you throw it away.' And I said, 'Well, I guess I'm not then because I'm not throwing it away.'
I'm not saving it because I want any more babies. Or maybe some clinical psychologist may say that is why I am saving it. But my mother in law has hers from her kids that my kids have slept in. Hers is still in her house too, she hasn't put it away yet. (From Anna I mean) I thought maybe I could save mine too for that reason. But it all makes me really sad. I titled this 'clinging to the line' because I still have my line on my stomach from when I was pregnant with her. And basically, I feel like that is all I have left of my pregnancies. My boobs are dried up, my period is back, my hair has fallen out and coming back I guess? I have an extra ten pounds I don't care about nor am I trying to do anything about really so I guess I could claim that too. But I still have my line. All of my infant clothes are gone, all of my maternity clothes are gone. I even tried to throw my pump out but Chip thinks I could donate that so I am going to try.
I can't WAIT until Anna is like two years old. The crying will diminish, we can do fun things as a family. Not that we can't now but with a baby baby it is really hard. So I look forward to that. But knowing that my pregnant small infant days are done is kinda sad to me. But knowing that my baby bearing is over makes me sad in a odd sort of way.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
I completely understand. Maybe it's good that Josh and I are only having two, now you and I can go through this together. :) I kind of feel the same way about my stretch marks as you do about the line - I do NOT love them, but they are all I have left to cling to from my pregnant days.
Oh wow, I'm actually crying now. :( Gotta love those hormones!
Anyway, when I heard Sarah was pregnant I quickly boxed up all my maternity clothes and mailed them to her, maybe I was thinking I could 'fool' myself into closing that chapter of my life if I was doing it 'for' someone else. And I also got an email from The Friendship Tree (local charity type thing) requesting newborn boy clothes... so those are packed up, too. I have been forcing myself not to think about it. But obviously if writing this comment is making me cry it is still close to my heart! Ha! I keep trying to remind myself of the goodness the future holds, too. Like eventually we can go out to eat again, or on vacations, or even to the park a lot easier. It is hard to get there, though. Sniff, sniff.
I could have written half of your post :( I was bathing the girls tonight and I went to grab a towel for Emily and she climbed out of the bath seat. I looked at her and said "Please Em I'm not ready for this, you're my last one".
Unless I miraculously are given another child, Emily is our last and parting with the baby gear was bittersweet--I don't have to worry about storing it BUT I will never have another infant in the house.
I know when my sweet baby starts walking I'm going to breakdown--the days are flying by and her first birthday is WEEKS away---such a sad, sad time but yet, wonderful knowing there's so much to look forward to in the future
Thanks girls. :) I am glad I am not the only one. I cried when I wrote the post actually.
I did the same thing with the maternity clothes, I kept thinking if I get them out of the house... if I get the baby clothes out of the house... but it's still really sad.
I think that I keep thinking I want another one, when I'm not home because I forget about the chaos. But when I get home, then I remember. I was thinking on the way home, remember I wanted a horrible pregnancy and horrible birth experience so that I wouldn't want to do it again? That didn't happen. And I'm happy I had great pregnancies and labor. I don't know. I said to Chip tonight, how about in three years? He was like, 'what, that's when it will get better?' And I said, no another baby. And he was like, no, (he was home with all three until I came home after 5). He wanted to get the calf castrator rubber bands today to 'take care of it himsef.' Maybe we can just hold other people's babies in the future or something. :) Poor us.
Post a Comment